So, after sharing that online dating, specifically Bumble totally worked for Noah and I; I have been obsessed with the topic. (Read our story here) I’m learning from guys who are online dating and hearing their perspectives, polling on Instagram to hear what you have to say about it and man-o-man do people have opinions!
I asked via Instagram how you were using online dating and EVERY SINGLE GAL answered the same way… “to find the one”. Not ONE female who answered said she was online dating casually or on there to hook up. Now i’d be lying if I said I was totally shocked by this, but I am surprised that so many women are clearly taking it seriously but then said in another poll that online dating is full of weirdos.
Soooo I guess we’re all super serious about finding THE weirdo of our dreams?
Either way, if you are hard core looking for your very own Harry like Charlotte was in Sex and the City and want to scream “where is he already”, or your girlfriends jokingly call you Samantha Jones…you have to sell yourself! That’s right, SELL yourself. Tell the dating world why you are totally awesome. It might sound super disingenuous, but its true…check this out. ‘
I am a full time outside sales rep. in the Chicago-land area, & I’ve learned over the years that in order to close a sale, you have to know your value AND be willing to walk away from a “deal” that doesn’t make sense. Sounds a lot like dating and finding love to me. But, it basically comes down to knowing your worth and what you have to offer…but I don’t mind eating alone in the process okuuuur.
Know your Product: Just like when selling literally anything, you have to know what the eff you’re putting out there and what makes it different. When it comes to love and “finding the one” I truly believe this means knowing YOURSELF. What you are proud of, scared of, working towards, love, value, about YOURSELF. You should probably even know the answers to some hard questions like, do you want children? Would you move away for a guy? What about your career? How do you like to spend/save your money? If you have a hard time answering any of these questions…no worries. But I can PROMISE you as a married women, they will ALL come up when Mr. Right comes along so ya better have an idea because if you don’t know, building a life on someone else’s identity or “product” will lead you down a very difficult path in your relationship.
Who are you selling to? After you know who you are and are confident in yourself, I must ask who are you “targeting”. Every company or product has a target or a “perfect match”. I knew EXACTLY what I wanted in a significant other when I was on Bumble. I said, and people rolled their eyes that “I want a guy who will laugh and dance on Saturday night, but wake up and go to church with me on Sunday”. EVERYONE, and I mean everyone I knew told me he didn’t exist. Well, let me tell you…he does exist and I married the shit out of him because I wasn’t playing around with waiting until I found the guy who matched my lifestyle. So, why not put it out there right away when you swipe someone? Like if you are 100% looking for “the one”, why not just ask some qualifying questions up front? You don’t have to be a total creep about it but just be honest, not fearful. He may be so hot and look so good holding that baby in his pictures that you don’t want to ask…I get it. But come on, ask whats important to them, ask what they care about. Once you know some of these answers, you’ll know soon enough if its a deal worth pursuing or a deal you have to walk away from…no matter how good looking or perfect on paper they seem.
No Deal: In sales, walking away from an opportunity that you once thought would you pay you big time is HARD. Sometimes, it just isn’t worth all the negotiating. Such is dating. You aren’t negotiating on your values, your passions, you desire for children or the fact that you love the cubs and think Bud Light is better than Miller Light. I am not saying that you wont ever have to compromise, but we’re talking a life partner here friends, we’re not in the business of compromising ourselves or tolerating a lifestyle we don’t agree with. So, you have to be brave. You have to be confident. You have to believe that walking away will lead to the “deal” or guy of a lifetime. A partnership where you do not have to compromise who you are to be happy. Remember, you value yourself…you don’t mind eating alone.
Now that we are in this space and mindset…how does this transfer to your dating profile?? How do you “sell” yourself online with 100000 other girls looking at the same pool of men you are? Stay tuned for next weeks post on how to set up your profile so you meet the kind of man you actually want to try and date.
Until then, I encourage you to take some time and answer some of the questions above. Write out the qualities you are looking for in a partner and why that’s so important to you. Then, be brave and swipe away!
xoxo
Lyss
Becoming Wiza 