I found Love Online (You Can Too)

Can we just all agree that dating is all about perspective. Before I share our story, I feel like it is 100% necessary for me to say this first and foremost. We can either look at dating as the worst experience we’ll ever go through OR like we are about to win BIG in Vegas. The mindset is yours.

In 2016 a married friend of mine with kids suggested I try Bumble. The dating app where the ladies call the shots and make the first move, instead of the men. Let me repeat for my single ladies reading this..my friend was MARRIED…HAPPILY MARRIED. She never even online dated and met her husband through a mutual friend. My first reaction, “bitch, what do you know about online dating or exposing yourself to all the creepy men out there is like?” (This is where perspective comes in) “I don’t, she replied but come onnnn, it has to be so fun! You get a chance to meet people, control who you get to talk to, and just enjoy the process of it all.” Plus, how else are you going to meet someone or even know what you want…just have fun with it and don’t take it too seriously.”

Perspective. After I fought my internal insecurities of complete rejection and figured…fuck it, the swiping began. Let me just say, it was kind of fun and even hysterical at times. Yes, I did run into creeps (“Do you like your hair pulled?) Yes, I was rejected by guys I thought were cute that never messaged me back (ouch) and Yes, I even dated a guy for about 6 weeks and was so bitter when it didn’t work out. (Thank the Lord for knowing what I didn’t) I think I actually was on OK Cupid for a hot second too, but didn’t like it…anyway, I digress.

After a few months of this, and then writing off all men off, I deleted Bumble for a few months. Eventually, I put on my big girl shoes and got to swiping again. I had nothing to lose and really really believed in my heart love was out there for me. Want to know the kicker to all of this? NOAH AND I MATCHED AND NEVER HAD A CONVERSATION BEFORE I DELETED THE APP.  Think about this, the man I married, who I love more than anything or anyone else on this planet, who I would 100% say is my soulmate on this earth… DID NOT MESSAGE ME BACK.  DUDE LEFT ME HANGING. HE REJECTED ME. 

Noah, although using Bumble, did not take it as seriously as I did. For him, it was “something to do to pass the time” and “maybe a chance to meet someone but didn’t really buy into it all”.

I think it is fair that we are like most people who are online dating…expectations are LOW. Let’s call it like it is: A surface level job. Dating is 100% a job that takes effort and vulnerability. Who wants to do that job? NOBODY. Especially if you have been scorned by love in the past.

After re-downloading and recommitting to trying online dating again…Noah’s profile popped up AGAIN. My pride and boss bitch inside said eff this dude, he couldn’t talk to me before so why should I try matching again? But he looked nice. Obviously good looking…but his profile didn’t make him look like a weirdo, it was very “boy next door, loves his mama and his dog, drinks beers with the guys vibe”. So, I swiped right again.

This time, he responded! We got to talking, kept it super real and asked real questions..not bullshit “how do you like your job”….and well, as most of you know…we are now married with a baby on the way.

Everyone loves a happy ending, and yes our online dating story does in fact have a happy ending. It worked for us. But, everyone has their own journey to love. Everyone is #becomingwiza on their path to finding the one.

Do we recommend online dating? Easy to say, yes we do. BUT..and this is a big but…not if it doesn’t come with perspective and belief.

Men and Women online date differently. Since writing this post I have talked to both men and women who are actively online dating who have such different agendas. Some women are literally looking for their next relationship, some are looking for a hook up, some are using it to date casually….same for men. Some guys swipe while literally taking a shit in the morning and don’t go back on it until the next day. Some guys want a hook up, some guys are suuuuuper picky about who they swipe to begin with.

This post is getting long…but if you are like me, and using Bumble or other dating sites to really try and find someone…you have to believe that you will. I mean really believe and not give up hope or let the creeps and rejection make you bitter. I thought I was going to meet my man either at church or the grocery store haha, and I met him online after he literally blew me off the first time.

Unwavering belief and perspective that this is a journey, I personally think will lead you to finding love. Its easy for me to sit here and say this…OK, I get it. When I was single I would tell me to eff off too. But, in a similar way to starting a company…finding a new job…going after a promotion…love takes action, vulnerability, and knowing who you are and exactly what you want. Right now, in this very moment, you could be one swipe away.