I recently heard a story about a girl who has been with a guy who is unwilling to commit to marriage. They live together and entertain the idea of having kids one day, but the guy doesn’t want to put a ring on it. Now, this would be fine if SHE was ultimately totally fine with this lifestyle choice. The issue is… she’s not.
So, I’m talking about this one night with my girlfriend and she says, “I wish should would just give him an ultimatum, I know it sucks but at least you know where you stand.” At that moment, my brain explodes with feminist rage.
I start to think about the ultimatums I have given in my life. I don’t have many, but I can tell you this, I gave an ultimatum because I was sick of the absolute bullshit I was being handed. I knew what I wanted and was not going to chance settling on what someone else had planned for me.
So, giving the noncommittal “man of your dreams,” or the stagnant “dream job” an ultimatum that decides if you stay or if you go is HEALTHY. Does it suck? Yes. Will it hurt? Yes. Will you cry for days and wonder for weeks if you made the right decision? Yes. Will you survive because you know your worth? YES!
Sing it with me, “I will survive, ohhhh as long as I know how to love…” Ok, ok thank goodness you are reading this and can’t actually hear me #ISoundLikeaHowlingPig
Lets get real… is he the “man of your dreams” really? Or would the man of your dreams want to marry you because he loves you, values you, and wants the same life you do? He might change… he might not. I promise you that by giving him an ultimatum you’ll find out real quick and be more #wiza for it.
And that job that you so think is the best damn thing that ever happened to you… but they wont give you a raise? You aren’t considered for promotion? Your ideas in meetings aren’t welcomed? You work way too much and are missing out on other areas of your life? Girl, not worth it. Go find a new job, make 20K more, and show up to the party in your fabulous new outfit.
A decision to stay or go is scary; whether it’s a job you’ve been at for years or a guy you planned your life around. You probably have invested more than you want to admit and might not have anything else to fall back on. Maybe I am crazy, but I honestly think you should set higher standards for yourself. Funny enough, I took an Instagram poll just to see what some ladies thought about this very topic:
Clearly, I am not that crazy if 72% of women who answered are going to ask if their man is ready to shit or get off the pot. And apparently, we think our friends in this situation should too! Listen, I get it, I wouldn’t even be writing about this if I didn’t. This is written for the minority of women who simply just don’t know what to do and are scared. Part of #becomingwiza is knowing your worth. There were times when I didn’t know mine, and moments today where I have to remind myself. Do NOT let the guy you are with sell you short of a life you could feel happier living. Do NOT let the company you’re with take advantage of you.
I encourage you to have the tough conversation. You might get exactly what you want and the guy or the boss will rise to the occasion. Nice work standing up for yourself! Or, you might end up heartbroken and upset. Let it make you strong and come back with vengeance. You deserve to live the life you always dreamed of.
XOXO,
The girl who believes that you can totally have your cake and eat it too
Becoming Wiza 